


Let Me In...

by FanGirl09



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Comforting Alec, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Nightmares, Protective Alec Lightwood, Sad Magnus, Worried Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 02:03:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11281458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirl09/pseuds/FanGirl09
Summary: A continuation of 2x12. Magnus doesn't want to talk about what has happened to him, but Alec does. He wants Magnus to let him in instead of pushing him away. When Magnus let's Alec stay the night, he is relieved. But when Alec is woken in the dead of night, maybe Magnus is done pushing him away.





	Let Me In...

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is my first Shadowhunters fanfiction, and my first fanfiction on this site.After the last episode I had major Magnus feels and decided to write this. I hope you enjoy it!

"Magnus..." I plead. "Please just tell me what to do..."

Magnus' eyes flit around the room before landing on mine, his mouth opening as if to speak, and then closing again. 

"Magnus, please," I beg, desperate for him to say something. Anything. "Please say something..."

Magnus swallows thickly. "I think I need to get some sleep, Alexander," he says in a worn out voice. 

I open my mouth to speak, but I can't find the words. My mind swirls, did I just lose Magnus? I bite my lip. I don't want to leave Magnus tonight, especially not like this.  
Magnus' eyes search my face, almost as if he can read my mind. "You can stay here, on the couch, if you like," Magnus suggests, his voice wavering slightly. My heart cracks a little and I wish I could just pull him into my arms. "We can have breakfast in the morning."

I feel a small smile appear on my lips. "Okay."

But it's not okay. Magnus isn't okay. I wont be okay if Magnus is in pain because of something that I was a part of. 

Magnus doesn't return the smile. Instead he rises and heads to his bedroom, without so much as another glance my way. 

As Magnus disappears, I am left with only my thoughts. Rampant thoughts, dizzying thoughts. I can't believe that I almost lost Magnus... I almost lost Magnus because I didn't believe him. Hell, I was almost responsible for his death. And Magnus- Magnus is not fine. There's no way after what he just endured that he is okay. The look in his eyes, the way he walked, the way he talked, everything about him just screamed that he's hurting. I just wish he would let me in, let those walls down... let me take the pain away. Or if I can't... then ease it. I would do anything. I'm glad that Magnus let me stay the night. Being physically there in the loft in case Magnus needs me settles my nerves a bit.   
With that thought in mind I close my eyes and rest my head back on a soft cushion, praying that I will be able to get some sleep. 

****

As I slide the door closed I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. It comes out choked, like half of a sob. I slap my hand over my mouth to muffle the noise. Shrugging off my jacket I let it fall to the floor, kicking my shoes off as well. Normally the uncleanliness would bother me, but in my current state, I barely even notice. My legs feel weak as I stumble towards my bed. As my hands touch the duvet I crawl on top of the covers and collapse in the middle of my bed, to weak do anything more. Thoughts cloud my mind and my head spins, my breath quickening until everything goes black. 

Sleep is not restful. Even in sleep I can't escape what has happened to me. Flashback after flashback, they come in waves. The memories, they haunt me. The dreams that come from them are even worse. The pain, the agony, the memories.... make it stop! Reliving the same torture, over and over again. I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it! 

Thrashing around I snap back to consciousness, tears running down my face. It doesn't stop there, the thoughts come flooding back. It all does, I can't escape it. It's never gunna stop... never gunna end. 

I start to sob.

Alec...

****

A few hours later I find myself eyes open, staring blankly at the ceiling trying to make sense of my surroundings. Why am I awake? Slowly I come to my senses.... a noise is what woke me. At first it doesn't register in my brain what the noise is. But when it finally does seconds later, I'm on my feet flying to Magnus's room. 

The sound was Magnus's sobs. They echo through the loft as I race through the dark to him. 

When I reach Magnus's room I barely stop to prevent myself from crashing into the door before it's slid open and my heart shatters. Magnus is laying curled up on his side, back to me, with his knees pulled up and his head buried, sobbing. Loud, heart wrenching sobs, each one shaking his figure. And then, a small squeak. A word, a name. "Alec."

At the sound of Magnus crying my name I dash inside of the room and over to the bed. "Magnus," I cry, reaching out to him. "Magnus, I'm here."

His eyes fly open at the sound of my voice. "Alexander!"

"Yes, it's me. I'm right here..."

"Alexander," he sobs and I scoop him up in my arms and pull him to my chest. "Alexander."

"Magnus, it's okay... I'm right here," I soothe. He wraps his arms around waist and continues to sob. As the sobs wrack his chest I hold his trembling form in my arms, pressed to my body as if to protect him from harm. But the harm has already been done. 

"S-sorry," he chokes out. "I-I'm s-so sorry-y." 

He shudders and I wrap my arms tighter around him. "It's okay. Let it out, Magnus. Let it out." 

He continues to cry as I rub his back gently. "Let it out." After a while his sobs start to slow to just tears that streak down his cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumb and kiss his forehead. Then they quiet to just the occasional whimper. "Shh...Magnus it's okay baby."

We sit in silence for a while, Magnus's head now resting on my chest. He sniffs and I kiss the top of his head lovingly. "I'm sorry," he repeats. 

"Magnus you don't have to be sorry... It's okay. You've been strong for so long, Magnus. "I feel him nod against my chest. "You can let me in now," I whisper. "I'm not going to hurt you Magnus...."

He lets out a choked breath and buries his face back in my neck. I feel another tear hit my skin. "Relax, Magnus... I love you and it's gunna be okay."

"I love you too," he half sobs. A few more tears. I rub his back again and ten place my hand on the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair.   
"This is why I let you stay..." Magnus mumbles into the fabric of my shirt. "I didn't want you to leave because I knew that I would need you."

I smile sadly down at him and press a kiss gently to his head. "I know, Magnus, I know. But we will talk about it another time okay? You need to sleep now."

"Okay," comes the soft whisper of Magnus's reply.

Half an hour later Magnus's breathing is completely even again. His eyes are shut and his head rests at the base of my neck. I smile down at him. Shifting him off of my lap into a laying position his eyes flutter open. 

"Thank you, Alexander," he whispers as I lay down behind him, "for staying with me."

"Of course." Wrapping my arms around his small waist I pull him into my chest and hold him. "And thank you."

"For what," Magnus whispers back. 

I lean up and kiss his forehead lightly. "For letting me in."


End file.
